PARADOX OF THANKSGIVING

My first Thanksgiving in Houston started out by putting on a short sleeve shirt and pair of shorts then stepping outside into the sunshine and 80-degree weather. Normally, I would find myself longing for colder more traditional holiday weather hoping to be able to light the fireplace and make some cider; but this year the warm weather brought a definite nostalgia from my childhood Thanksgiving days in Florida. Today was an enjoyable day of rest, relaxation, and reflection.

It is in that time of reflection that I find myself in a place of contradiction. You may be wondering how a person can have a paradox of thankfulness or even a contradiction concerning blessing. One would think either someone is thankful or not. Normally that would completely be the truth of the matter, but when God is involved there is usually something extraordinary quietly happening in the background of life subtly waiting for discovery. The bedlam in today’s busy society makes it easy to overlook what appears to be completely obvious when one takes the time to ruminate on life and situation.

Examining my personal history it is easy to see my life has been full of blessings and success. It is also evident that for the majority of my life God has kept me out of a great deal of turmoil developing my core in order to equip me for His specific purpose. Then several years ago my life was turned completely upside down and from that point I have been forever changed. This is where the paradox begins.

In one hand I have successfully transitioned to a new career and have an incredible job and an amazing house that I continue to make my home. I am balancing life better than I have in a very long time. Sleeping in my own bed, getting a full nights sleep, eating healthy foods, exercising, going to church regularly, making new friends, and enjoying hobbies are blessings that are easily recognizable. On the surface, the pain of loss and loneliness would seem to far outweigh the blessings thus begins the paradox. Half a decade later I find myself asking the question “how does one walk through the grief and sorrow of life and still find thanksgiving”? Everyday the answer to that question becomes just a little more clear.

The first thing that I learned is that adversity was a test of my faith. The test forces a person to a crisis of belief or point of decision. That crisis of belief is the crossroad of faith where we find out who we are at our core, are we going to follow Christ by making choices based on the Word of God written in scripture or are we going to make choices that are convenient and satisfy our current needs and desires. The interesting part is I see people everyday that choose convenience and at least on the surface they seem to live very happy lives. That fact makes it extremely hard to follow the still small voice deep down that beckons us to follow scripture especially when it appears to not directly address our specific situation. That choice is tough, difficult, demanding and it takes daily discipline.

Day after day I find myself asking God why, when, and how long. At first those conversations were frustrating. Then one day I realized it was in that dialog that I finally found true relationship with my God. The understanding of that relationship brought happiness and a peace that has surpassed all understanding thus the paradox of thanksgiving. The meshing of mourning and delight when in Christ somehow equals joy. This Thanksgiving it is that joy in which I am most appreciative. I hope this holiday each one of you takes the time to reflect and find where your joy comes from.

A Common Question

Over the past few days I have received an incredible amount of support after announcing my decision to move to Houston. What a great feeling of validation that the right decision has been made. Amid all the banter one common question seemed to resurface over and over, and I wanted to take some time to address it openly.

“What about Tiffany and your desire for reconciliation”?

I am fascinated by the fact that people are so in touch with my personal journey. It is also humbling to realize my daily decisions are noted and the conclusion to my story is anticipated by so many. Admittedly, this path has not been a quick or an easy one. Daily I find myself on a roller coaster of emotions. Often I feel as if each minute I teeter between confidence and doubt, faith and disbelief, or certainty and hesitation. I also have to confess the very same question weighed heavily on my mind as I contemplated accepting the position and moving several states away. Surprisingly one Sunday while sitting in church with my thoughts far from current circumstance I felt the confirmation from the Lord through the message that day.

Shattered Dreams the series and topic being presented. From the opening statement I was captivated as the speaker explained we all have dreams (in my case marrying the girl of my dreams) and eventually something always comes along which threatens those dreams (in my case divorce), it is at that point we have two choices: TRUST or CONTROL. For years I found myself choosing to try and control only to find myself right back in the middle of failure; then finally one day I decided to trust. It is from that point I have found great freedom.

Simply trust…not in the outcome, but only in knowing God’s purpose is what is best for my life. That is a very hard pill to swallow when my selfish desire stirs the longing for reconciliation and the restoration of my marriage. It is only that kind of trust, which allows me to move 800 miles away believing He is still in control of the entire situation. In the last month God has shown me beyond any doubts that He is still working in both of our hearts even when I cannot see or feel it. I have seen and experienced things I hoped and believed for, but never thought would happen.

Trusting God in the waiting is neither easy nor popular, as a matter of fact, it goes against everything that our society considers normal and sadly even among Christians. Each time I read the scriptures it becomes more clear to me this is God’s intended path for everyone who has entered into a marriage covenant. I have learned trusting and waiting are both a pursuit and unconditional acts of love. I am committed to both. A wise friend shared a verse that spoke to me at my core and reaffirmed my desire to follow the example of true love demonstrated by God in the scripture. Hosea 2:19-20 God is speaking to Israel like a husband to his bride, it is in these verses my resolve is fueled…here is what God says to His bride (Israel) “I will commit myself to you forever; I will commit myself to you in righteousness and justice, in steadfast love and tender compassion. I will commit myself to you in faithfulness.” This is God’s true intention in covenant, this the same covenant that God made with Abraham and Israel; and this is the same covenant that I made with Tiffany. It is my desire to be as faithful in my covenant as God has been in His.

I pray daily for the miracle of reconciliation; and trust continually that the great and mighty God who created the universe is powerful enough to orchestrate the healing of a marriage even for two people living 800 miles apart.

THE BIG NEWS

To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable - Helen Keller

One of the prerequisites of living life to the fullest is keeping ones eyes wide open and a pulse on the continual stirrings of the heart. This has been a pursuit I have been trying to practice for a few years now. Just being aware has forever transformed and revolutionized my life.

Recently, I have recognized the desire for some change in my life. Balance, more accurately defines what I have been missing. Being home more, community through consistent church attendance, working out regularly, eating healthier, and having a more normal social life to name just a few things that are sacrificed when traveling on the road.

For months I have been asking God to show me what direction I should go during the next few miles on this journey of life. Finally, I got my answer and that is why I am writing to share this news with you. I am very excited to announce that I have decided to relocate.

HOUSTON! I WILL SOON BE A REAL TEXAN.

I have officially accepted a position at KSBJ Radio. Starting July 1 I will be joining the KSBJ team as Sr. Director of Special Events. It is my hope that with my road experience and production background I will be a valuable asset in creating events that will change the lives of others the greater Houston area.

RESSURECTION DAY

Matthew 28:6
He is not here, for HE HAS RISEN...

I woke up early this morning with Twitter proclaiming the Gospel that Jesus Christ has risen from the dead, conquering sin and death. The first time God saved the world He used an ordinary man and a boat. With a more permanent solution needed God sent His only son to give His life as blood sacrifice to cover the sins of all mankind.

Today is the day we have established the tradition of look back, remembering, and celebrating the passion of the Christ; not the movie but the real life documented account from 2000 years ago. Jesus Christ demonstrated the single greatest act of love ever to be recorded. What caused Him to go to such great lengths was it His love for His father the Creator of the Universe or was it love for you and for me?

Are we not called in the same way to save the world with the same love? Have you thought about what motivates you to walk through this journey we call life? Is it because you love God or because you love people?

Do not let today go unnoticed. As the days pass and the weeks turn to months do not let today be easily forgotten remember someone died for you.

Fruit of our Labor

Another tour is in the can. This year I did something different than normal for me. I took a position as monitor engineer. This allowed me to step back from the big responsibilities of tour manager or production manager. Refreshing barely describes this tour. It is very easy on the road to get caught up in the daily routine of road life and grow numb to the life happening all around. Some times it is easy to forget why we put ourselves through the rigorous schedules, dirty showers, bad catering, and time away from friends and loved ones.




One of my favorite and easiest things to spot on tour is the new community that is developed. As the tour moves along community turns to family. It is always good to meet new people and develop life long friends, this tour was no different when it came to that.



One thing that is very important on tour is to enjoy the people you work with. With the exception of a few knuckleheads who don't know bus etiquette I had a great time working with some great guys. We had a lot of fun on this tour. I think I laughed every day.




We did have some great times and some tough times. This year there were more snow storms than the last 10 years. More than once we were stuck on the interstate trying to get to the next event. Through all the good times and the bad as I look back we were able to accomplish some pretty great things.




With just over 100 people on the road everyday there is always someone to talk to. It was actually a challenge to find a quiet spot. We had 3 semi trucks of sound, lights, video, and backline. Parking 10 buses everyday always made for a maze of confusion.




We traveled over 16,000 miles during the course of the three months.




Over 400,000 people were in attendance. I some times forget the impact of touching almost a half a million people can have on a country.




We exceeded our goal of sponsoring over 10,000 children for Holt International. Day in and day out it feels like we hear the same appeal every night and it gets old, but to really step back and think about the magnitude of that many children being helped is a huge accomplishment.




Last but certainly not least we had over 60,000 people respond to the website telling us they made a decision for Christ. That means all the setting up of equipment, taking cold showers, and eating food that was neither nutritious or delicious was not in vain. These are things that need to be remembered and valued as we look back at the fruit of our labor and look forward to the next tour an opportunity to do something significant with our lives.




Thanks NewSong and Premier Productions for putting on a great tour. I look forward to WinterJam 2011.

Moving Target

As I was walking around Target today I once again became a victim of good marketing. Why do we walk around looking if we really should not be buying? They make all of these things look so appealing for a reason and every time I seem to fall for it. I actually got out of the store pretty easy. Today, it was the CD isle that got me.

It has been a while since I have purchased a physical CD. iTunes has made things so easy and fast without having to leave the house I find myself clicking on an icon more than walking through the store looking at a physical product. For some reason I decided to pick up some of the actual CD disks and purchase them.

I got out to my car and of course had to immediately put one into the CD player. It was not long before I was reminded what I have been missing. It is crazy how much better disks and full wave files sound. The quality was unbelievable. It seems that I have gotten so use to listening to a 3 or 4 MB file and it is no wonder it cannot compare to one that has 300 MB of information.

So for all of you who have been sucked in by the internet and societies philosophy that we have to have it now and quick even if we compromise the integrity of the art this is a reminder to go out and purchase a real product and don't settle for anything less that quality.

Sweet Day

Today is one of those days that turned out to be a sweet surprise. Jonathan Chu from Skillet called and said he was at Muddy's Bake Shop and wanted to know if I wanted any cupcakes since he was coming to Nashville. I have to say these are the best cupcakes in the entire world. I have never had any finer. These tasty cakes melt in your mouth and taste that comes straight from heaven.

As good as the Muddy's Bake Shop cupcakes were they pale in comparison to the sweet experience I had today with the Creator of the Universe. It is not as often as I wish, but some times there are days like today where God Himself steps out from heaven and sits down next to me and just speaks clearly straight to me. Today was one of those days. He and I had long sweet conversation that was healing to my soul. Isaiah 4:10 says "Be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you. I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand".

Today I was help by God and it truly made for a sweet day.