A Common Question

Over the past few days I have received an incredible amount of support after announcing my decision to move to Houston. What a great feeling of validation that the right decision has been made. Amid all the banter one common question seemed to resurface over and over, and I wanted to take some time to address it openly.

“What about Tiffany and your desire for reconciliation”?

I am fascinated by the fact that people are so in touch with my personal journey. It is also humbling to realize my daily decisions are noted and the conclusion to my story is anticipated by so many. Admittedly, this path has not been a quick or an easy one. Daily I find myself on a roller coaster of emotions. Often I feel as if each minute I teeter between confidence and doubt, faith and disbelief, or certainty and hesitation. I also have to confess the very same question weighed heavily on my mind as I contemplated accepting the position and moving several states away. Surprisingly one Sunday while sitting in church with my thoughts far from current circumstance I felt the confirmation from the Lord through the message that day.

Shattered Dreams the series and topic being presented. From the opening statement I was captivated as the speaker explained we all have dreams (in my case marrying the girl of my dreams) and eventually something always comes along which threatens those dreams (in my case divorce), it is at that point we have two choices: TRUST or CONTROL. For years I found myself choosing to try and control only to find myself right back in the middle of failure; then finally one day I decided to trust. It is from that point I have found great freedom.

Simply trust…not in the outcome, but only in knowing God’s purpose is what is best for my life. That is a very hard pill to swallow when my selfish desire stirs the longing for reconciliation and the restoration of my marriage. It is only that kind of trust, which allows me to move 800 miles away believing He is still in control of the entire situation. In the last month God has shown me beyond any doubts that He is still working in both of our hearts even when I cannot see or feel it. I have seen and experienced things I hoped and believed for, but never thought would happen.

Trusting God in the waiting is neither easy nor popular, as a matter of fact, it goes against everything that our society considers normal and sadly even among Christians. Each time I read the scriptures it becomes more clear to me this is God’s intended path for everyone who has entered into a marriage covenant. I have learned trusting and waiting are both a pursuit and unconditional acts of love. I am committed to both. A wise friend shared a verse that spoke to me at my core and reaffirmed my desire to follow the example of true love demonstrated by God in the scripture. Hosea 2:19-20 God is speaking to Israel like a husband to his bride, it is in these verses my resolve is fueled…here is what God says to His bride (Israel) “I will commit myself to you forever; I will commit myself to you in righteousness and justice, in steadfast love and tender compassion. I will commit myself to you in faithfulness.” This is God’s true intention in covenant, this the same covenant that God made with Abraham and Israel; and this is the same covenant that I made with Tiffany. It is my desire to be as faithful in my covenant as God has been in His.

I pray daily for the miracle of reconciliation; and trust continually that the great and mighty God who created the universe is powerful enough to orchestrate the healing of a marriage even for two people living 800 miles apart.